The NBA Really Isn't the Revenge League Anymore


The problem with this piece of sports writing is that it lacks a command of history:



The Boston Celtics would probably prefer you not refer to the 2010 NBA Finals as a rubber match. After all, the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Magic in last year's title round; Orlando simply topped Boston along the way.
Sure, the Celtics beat the Lakers in 2008 and Los Angeles rebounded to win a crown of its own in 2009. But as the teams prepare to meet in this year's championship series, it would seem the only team eager to settle the score is the Lakers.
After Saturday's Game 6 triumph over the Suns to secure the Western Conference crown, Los Angeles players immediately tried to squash the revenge talk, but it's hard to buy what they're selling.
"The challenge is to win the championship," Kobe Bryant said. "The Celtics are in the way. They feel the same way about us."
True, both teams probably couldn't care less how they end up with the Larry O'Brien trophy. But both sides are sure to be amped because of the rivalry between the teams.
But Los Angeles can't possibly suggest that it won't have extra motivation given the way the 2008 Finals unfolded.
As ESPN.com's J.A. Adande wrote in Sunday's Daily Dime, the one thing Bryant hasn't done in his decorated Lakers career is top the rival Celtics on the league's biggest stage. His Lakers legacy could forever be tainted as "the guy who couldn't beat the Celtics."
First of all, who cares? I mean, really.
Do you think there is a "rivalry" between these two clubs? They're both stocked with free agents who haven't played with their respective teams for more than a handful of seasons. Bryant and Paul Pierce have history with their franchises. Most of the other players, not so much. So, this is nothing like the days of Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.
Second, many of these players never had their rivalry start at the college level. Bryant and Kevin Garnett--no college. That's lame, but I had to slip in something here at number two.
Third, the NBA has driven commentary and trash talking and the things that make great rivalries out of the game. It's true that a $10,000 fine for talking about the officials can really nail a guy making $12 million a season in shorts, and really cause him to curtail his criticisms. But if someone like, I don't know, Rasheed Wallace, were to go in front of the cameras and say "I'm going to make Gasol scream and cry like the manchild that he is, and when I dunk on him, his world will shatter to pieces and he may--he may--urinate all over himself with mortal fear," they'd suspend him.
That's what makes a rivalry--the trash talking. The smack talking, if I may extend the metaphor.
And that's exactly what the NBA has squeezed out of the game.
So, there's no "rivalry" here. There are just two teams trying to win in the playoffs. These players will show up and play hard if it is within their grasp. But they're not going to go where they need to go to start a real rivalry with another team. Many of these players don't plan on playing where they're playing right now in a couple of years--why offend a future teammate, coach, or franchise?


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Is it Really the Ball?

JabulaniThe most important thing in the whole entire world right now is the sport of World Cup Soccer. Adidas gets to decide what technology the ball uses, and no one is happy about it:

Several players are going all out against the new World Cup ball, with more than one comparing it to those bought at a supermarket.

And this time it's not only goalkeepers who are complaining. Strikers, defenders and midfielders are also lashing out at the Adidas ball just a few days before the monthlong tournament is to begin in South Africa.

The ball is called Jabulani, which means "to celebrate" in isiZulu, but not many are celebrating it so far. It's hard to find a player who is happy with it, and those who don't like it are not saving adjectives to describe their feelings.

"It's very weird," Brazil striker Luis Fabiano said Sunday. "All of a sudden it changes trajectory on you. It's like it doesn't want to be kicked. It's incredible, it's like someone is guiding it. You are going to kick it and it moves out of the way. I think it's supernatural, it's very bad. I hope to adapt to it as soon as possible, but it's going to be hard."

Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar on Saturday called the ball "terrible" and was the first to compare it to those plastic ones bought on a supermarket. Italy striker Giampaolo Pazzini said the same thing, calling it a "disaster."

Here's how jacked up that article is over at Sports Illustrated. It really is one of the most incompetent news stories I've seen in quite a while. When you write a story about a ball, you should probably find a good picture of the ball. I know it sounds like the demented ranting and raving of a man wearing pants that are too tight and with ideas that were flushed out of his ears with hydrogen peroxide, but this is a visual medium. It's where you can put up a simple photo, perhaps a video, maybe an interactive graphic, and do something for a reader or a blogger. I don't know. It's where you can make a token, half-assed effort at trying and see it pay off for you.

I've never been above half-assing it, and I'm not going to start now. What?

Never mind. I'm on a roll, homes. Am I that kind of a blogger? Absolutely. I found and cropped (read: stole) a photo of the Jabbablouyouaniyappidy-whatever ball and I am making a heck of an effort here to give you something useful and informative. I'm asking the question--really? Is this ball really like the cheap ones purchased at supermarkets? I have to find out if this is true. I have to go to work for you and make something happen. Blogging is more than just finding an article and saying something about it--it's. Blogging is more than...hold it. My roll just came to a stop.

I found a picture, you see. I did what I should have done. I made this about me.

So, after my nap and a little apple juice, I went out to a supermarket and tried to buy a soccer ball. They just laughed at me. They told me I was crazy. Supermarkets don't really sell soccer balls unless they are an impulse item or a key buy added to a section of the retail establishment where toys and accessories and other purchased-in-bulk items are sold off of end caps or out of tables full of assorted pieces of merchandise that can be bought by people who don't really go looking for their ilk in supermarkets. You know, like hamster balls, duffel bags, soup can crushers, beaded seat covers, and Christmas ornaments that won't offend anyone Jewish.

It was a total bust. I must have gone to two supermarkets. Wow. I could have bought a new shower mat and made a soccer ball out of that, but I'm avoiding the impossible and trying to bring you the probable. I could have bought a beach ball. I passed. So, okay, fine--I went online and I ordered a soccer ball.

Yep.

It's going to take about three weeks to get to me, so. You know. I'll post something. That's how blogging works. I bought it out of some supermarket chain that allowed me to select items for purchase and throw them into a consolidated shopping cart after I spent a half an hour setting up an online profile. Oh, this wasn't entirely for buying a soccer ball--this is how I'm going to get some Archway cookies. The lemon ones.

I know it's a waste of time, but I'll probably check the mail tomorrow. Well, that's kind of stupid. The ball--and, more importantly, the Archway cookies--are all being shipped from an Albertson's in San Antonio, Texas, but I did choose UPS expedited shipping, I think. I might have clicked on that wrong. Let me check the confirmation E-mail and I'll get back to you.

Anyway, I was going to take the soccer ball that I bought in the supermarket and see if it was any good. Miranda played soccer when she was in high school, and she actually has the ability to "bend it like Beckham" because she has these incredibly fat legs and can kick things really hard.

This post was going to be about what Miranda told me about the supermarket ball. Oh, and I was going to get a World Cup ball as well. Maybe do a little side by side comparison. Maybe film Miranda kicking the two balls and giving her opinion. I don't know. Miranda doesn't really humor me when it comes to blogging.

Posted via web from An American Lion is on Posterous

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Roy Halladay Joins the Immortals


Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher Roy Halladay threw a perfect game during a baseball game against the Florida Marlins, Saturday, May 29, 2010 in Miami. The Phillies defeated the Marlins 1-0. There are now twenty perfect games pitched in the history of Major League Baseball, and Roy Halladay has the more recent one.

Dallas Braden had the last perfect game:

• Oakland's Dallas Braden threw a perfect game on May 9. The only other season with two perfect games was 1880: Lee Richmond (June 12) and John Montgomery Ward (June 17).
• Of the 20 perfect games thrown in baseball history, three have come in the last two seasons.
• The Phillies are the fifth team to have had two perfect games in their history. Jim Bunning threw Philadelphia's other one on June 21, 1964 vs. the Mets.
Holy cow!



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Fat Guys on Four Wheelers Did This

Photo seized from Flickr, but credited to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cowlishaw/I've never been so certain of anything in my life:



A prominent sandstone arch at Valley of Fire State Park in southern Nevada has collapsed.


Park rangers said it appears Natural Arch was claimed by forces that will eventually destroy about 300 others in the park: gravity and erosion.


They said horseback riders notified them about the damage Wednesday, and no one has reported seeing it fall. While it's unclear exactly why and when the arch collapsed, there's no evidence of vandalism, rangers added.


"Maybe someone tried to take a picture on the rock, which we don't recommend, but there's nothing here that proves this was done on purpose," park supervisor Jim Hammons told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.



Yeah, give it a rest Johnny Law. I know what happened. I'm fairly certain that a small group of four wheeled All Terrain Vehicles were riding on the arch when it collapsed, probably injuring at least one or two people who were, obviously, too fat to be riding ATVs. The bulbous continuation of the arch and the ridges on the right side of this image show ATV tracks. Anyone with a brain can spot this.


Crap. Now, all of a sudden, I'm Andy freakin' Borowitz. Someone, anyone--please kill me because I'm lame.

Will it be the Flyers?


I haven't had much of a chance to think about sports, but I have had the inclination to consider who I think will win the Stanley Cup this year.

Philly.

That's probably too easy. I like the season that Chicago has had, and I am a Western conference sort of fellow, but Philly just seems inevitable. To come out of the east, where it was a tossup between Washington and Pittsburgh, and come out on top of that, well, that's a much steeper climb than Chicago had in the west, which wasn't very dominant this season.

A couple weeks later, what if Laviolette had decided to remain mum and let his team figure a way out of the mess in Game 7 against Boston? Instead he called what is being hailed as possibly the most important time-out in the Flyers' storied history, telling his players they had two choices. It was 3-0 Bruins in the first period, the ghosts of Eddie Shore and Dit Clapper ready to sing after Boston had supposedly recovered from choking a three-games-to-none series lead. The Flyers ended up winning that deciding game, 4-3, a stunning climax that resulted from a power play goal after the Bruins were whistled for having too many men on ice. History can be such a wicked witch.

"Lav told us if we scored the next goal, we'd win the game," Giroux says of that time-out pep talk. "His words might have been more colorful, but it was basically, 'Get your heads out of the clouds, stop feeling sorry for yourselves, and have some confidence.'"

What if Laviolette hadn't been hired to replace John Stevens in early December? What if Laviolette hadn't been fired as coach of the Hurricanes one year and one day earlier? What-ifs are for people who don't believe fate has at least a tiny voice in the way the universe unfolds.

"It is kind of surreal," Laviolette says. That appears to be the word of the day, the theme of the week, the mantra of the season for the Flyers.

"I've seen a lot but I'd be lying if I said I saw this coming," says Chris Pronger, the imposing forward who has developed a flair for raising the Stanley Cup.

"You can't make this stuff up," says Mike Richards, the Flyers' captain. "Everything has been unpredictable, beginning with the coaching change that (inspired) a change in the way we play. It wasn't until the Olympic break that we really felt comfortable with what he was trying to do."

Laviolette's career swing has taken one unusual twist after another. Never drafted, his 10 seasons as a stay-at-home defenseman in the minors were interrupted by a cup of mocha in New York, when the Rangers summoned him for 12 games. He played for and coached U.S. Olympic teams, endured two seasons as coach of the Islanders, won a championship in Carolina. Now it's his full-rink, exhale-when-it's-summer 60-minute press that has the Flyers giving the city of Philadelphia major flashbacks to the 70s.
Now that, my friends, is sports writing.

Philly in six. The cup will make it to Chicago here in the next few years, perhaps, but I think it goes to Philly now.
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The Superbowl Should Be Played in the Snow


I rather like this change:

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says the success of the 2014 Super Bowl slated for Meadowlands Stadium will determine whether more championships are played at undomed cold-weather sites.

Goodell spoke at commencement ceremonies Saturday for the University of Massachusetts Lowell, where he accepted an honorary doctorate for his father, the late Sen. Charles E. Goodell of New York.

The commissioner was introduced by Robert Kraft and stood with the New England owner after the ceremony. The Patriots play outside at Gillette Stadium.

On Tuesday, the league awarded the 2014 championship to the new $1.6 billion home of the Jets and Giants.

Kraft, who supported the decision, said "the elements should be part of the game."

Cold weather football is the stuff of legend. Anyone who lives in a cold weather environment already knows that you have to prepare and dress appropriately for the game when it is held late in the season. The Superbowl should be no exception. And, as to whether or not the drunks will get frostbite, I say, let the drunks freeze solid and then melt when they flush out the stadium in March or April.
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Why the Devil Were You Sightseeing in Yemen?

Sana'a, YemenI realize that there are seasoned, experienced travelers out there who know how to get around in dangerous countries (I'm not one of them, at least, not without Peej telling me who to bribe). I realize that there really are Americans who go overseas and have adventures and whatnot.


But, what the hell were these people doing in Yemen?



The U.S. Embassy in San'a said it was working with Yemeni authorities to resolve the situation.


The security officials, a taxi driver and tribesmen said the two - a man and a woman - were seized while traveling in al-Hudaydah province west of the capital, San'a.


The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak to the media.


Taxi driver Mohammed Saleh, who was driving the two, said six gunmen stopped them on the road and took them to the al-Hamra village. Al-Sharda tribesmen said the hostages were now "guests" in the village.



How do we know Mr. Saleh didn't sell these people? How do we know these Americans won't be bought by any of a number of terror cells?


I do know one thing--I know how to read the State Department Travel Warning Website:



The Department of State warns U.S. citizens of the high security threat level in Yemen due to terrorist activities.  The Department recommends that American citizens defer non-essential travel to Yemen.  American citizens remaining in Yemen despite this warning should monitor the  U.S. Embassy website and should make contingency emergency plans.  This replaces the Travel Warning for Yemen issued June 26, 2009.


The security threat level remains high due to terrorist activities in Yemen.  The U.S. Embassy in Sana’a, Yemen closed on January 3 and 4, 2010, in response to ongoing threats by Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) to attack American interests in Yemen. Following the attempted attack aboard Northwest Airlines flight 253 on December 25, 2009, Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) publicly claimed responsibility for the incident and stated that it was in response to what they described as American interference in Yemen. In the same statement, the group made threats against Westerners working in embassies and elsewhere, characterizing them as “unbelievers” and “crusaders.”  On the morning of September 17, 2008, armed terrorists attacked the U.S. Embassy in Sana'a, Yemen.  A number of explosions occurred in the vicinity of the Embassy's main gate.  Several Yemeni security personnel and one Embassy security guard were killed, as were a few individuals waiting to gain entry to the Embassy, one of whom was a U.S. citizen.

U.S. Embassy employees have been advised to exercise caution when choosing restaurants, hotels or visiting tourist areas in Sana’a in order to avoid large gatherings of foreigners and expatriates.  Only limited travel outside of the capital is authorized at this time.


U.S. citizens who travel to or remain in Yemen despite this warning should exercise caution and take prudent security measures, including maintaining a high level of vigilance, avoiding crowds and demonstrations, keeping a low profile, varying times and routes for all travel, and ensuring travel documents are current.  American citizens in Yemen are advised to exercise particular caution at locations frequented by foreigners countrywide, including restaurants and hotels frequented by expatriates.  From time to time, the Embassy may restrict official Americans from restaurants, hotels, or shopping areas.  The Department of State strongly encourages American citizens to consult the most recent Warden Messages on the U.S. Embassy website to get up-to-date information on security conditions.  Americans who believe they are being followed or threatened while driving in urban centers should proceed as quickly as possible to the nearest police station or major intersection and request assistance from the officers in the blue-and-white police cars stationed there.



I mean, Christ. Why not just go see what Mogadishu looks like this time of year?

Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks



This sets up a fairly interesting Stanley Cup Playoffs:

In his first game as a member of the Chicago Blackhawks, against the New York Rangers in an Original 6 matchup, Patrick Sharp looked around cavernous United Center and that's what he saw. Six.


Actually there were some 9,000 in the building that distant night, although that figure might have been a matter of creative arithmetic. In any case, a depressed Sharp had come from a first-place team in Philadelphia to a city where the Blackhawks couldn't get arrested.


(These were the pre-Patrick Kane taxi-in-Buffalo days.)


"It's been a big change, that's for sure," said Sharp, who arrived in December 2005, back in the bad old days of the late owner, Dollar Bill Wirtz. "Years ago I would have never expected this turnaround so quickly. It means a lot to everybody, but especially to guys like (Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook) and myself, who have been here through some pretty tough years ... I challenge anyone to find a better place to play in the league right now than Chicago."


"I just remember the first handful of games I played at home, it was pretty ugly still," said captain Jonathan Toews, who started in 2007-08. "Our people have done a great job promoting the team, but nothing is better than having a team that wins games and plays an entertaining style of hockey." Chicago has come all the way back to the Stanley Cup final, a testament to the enlightened ownership of Wirtz's son Rocky, Joel Quenneville's coaching and one of the NHL's deepest teams. The Blackhawks moved into the final with a 4-2 victory in Game 4 over the valiant, but outmanned, San Jose Sharks to complete a sweep. The final will start Saturday here if the Philadelphia Flyers eliminate Montreal on Monday, enough time to fit Keith, a Norris Trophy finalist, for seven new teeth and further amp up the city in which hockey used to feel like a root canal just five years ago.

What hockey needs is a bit of parity, and I think they're beginning to find it. Once the teams are putting quality product on the ice, and once the quality of the games starts to really take off, the league has to find a way to be seen on television in the United States and around the world. Someone has to break through and show people that it really is the greatest of all sports, bar none.

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A Gentleman's Row Between Australia and Israel

Here's the latest development in the strained relationship between Australia and Israel:



Australia on Monday called for the expulsion of an Israeli diplomat over fake passports used in the assassination of a Hamas operative in the United Arab Emirates.


An investigation had confirmed that Israeli agents were behind the forgery of Australian passports used in the January 20 killing of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, a founding member of Hamas' military wing, Foreign Minister Stephen Smith said.


The four Australians whose passports were used were victims of passport fraud and had nothing to do with the killing, he said.


Smith did not elaborate whom Australia wanted expelled from the Israeli diplomatic mission in Canberra but said diplomat has to leave within the week.


He briefed parliament on the results of the investigation Monday morning and said the forgeries were so sophisticated, only a state intelligence service could have carried them out.



If this was really serious, I would think that the Israeli Ambassador would have been thrown out, at a minimum, and that the Australian Embassy in Israel would have been emptied out in protest. This seems like a scaled-down protest, and a very similar reaction to what the British did several months ago:



Britain expelled a high-ranking Israeli diplomat Tuesday in retaliation for alleged misuse of British passports by Israeli agents suspected in the assassination of a senior Hamas commander two months ago in Dubai.


Foreign Secretary David Miliband said the decision was made after consultations with his Israeli counterpart. The expelled official was not identified, but the BBC and the Times of London reported that he was the head of the Mossad intelligence agency in the Israeli Embassy.


The expulsion follows an investigation by Britain's Serious Organized Crime Agency, or SOCA, into the Jan. 19 slaying of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh at a luxury hotel. Officials in the Persian Gulf emirate have alleged that the killing was carried out by an Israeli hit squad using forged European and Australian passports, 12 of them cloned from documents belonging to British citizens living in Israel.



The assassination operation may have been uniquely successful, and embarrassingly so. It's pretty obvious that none of the nations who have expelled Israeli diplomats are that upset. They cannot be seen doing nothing, or expressing approval, so they're throwing a few sacrificial lambs out there to maintain a little plausible deniability. Yes, they may be angry. They're angry their own security apparatus can't pull off such an operation. It's assassination envy.



Campbell Brown Gets Out of the Way

Give the people what they want--Jennifer Aniston's crotch!I love it when failure makes a person tell the truth*:



Campbell Brown, pretending to be a journalistOnce again, a star anchor is leaving CNN. This time it is Campbell Brown, and she is leaving with an extraordinary amount of candor.


In a heartfelt statement on Tuesday afternoon, Ms. Brown said she was leaving on her own accord, having concluded that she was unable to compete with the opinion-mongers that dominate cable news in prime time.


“The simple fact is that not enough people want to watch my program, and I owe it to myself and to CNN to get out of the way so that CNN can try something else,” she wrote. “CNN will have to figure out what that is.”


CNN, a unit of Time Warner, announced no immediate plan to replace Ms. Brown, who said she would remain during a transition period.


In a little more than six months, the channel has also lost the controversial anchor Lou Dobbs and the foreign correspondent and anchor Christiane Amanpour.


For the last two years, Ms. Brown has tried to hold down the toughest time slot in cable news, 8 p.m. Eastern, the same time that Bill O’Reilly of the Fox News Channel and Keith Olbermann of MSNBC go head-to-head.


Compared with those bombastic opinion shows, her weeknight news program, titled “Campbell Brown,” has struggled to gain an audience. It has attracted an average of 591,000 viewers so far this year, while “Countdown” on MSNBC has averaged one million, and “The O’Reilly Factor” from Fox, 3.34 million.



The numbers are deceiving, however. The millions who watch O'Reilly are usually old, futzy, and broke. Advertisers can't really sell anything to old, futzy and broke. The million or so who watch Olbermann are so angry they don't know where their money is anymore. They're walking around in a stumbling, blind rage. The only thing they're buying is Advil and weed.


What Brown should have done is offer the exact opposite of what Olbermann and O'Reilly are offering. She should have offered something that would confirm our worst suspicions about ourselves--we're a bunch of tubby fat baby dumb heads. She should have hosted an hour long infomercial on butt toning and gut busting situps. She should have sold Americans on the idea that they can look like Jennifer Aniston after Jennifer Aniston has possibly used Ex-Lax for eight straight days trying to lose enough weight to appear in a staged photograph used to sell water to idiots. She should have done a show about helping fatties hide their cellulite. She should have focused on the lowest possible common denominator--fear of being humiliated for being a lardass. 


That's how you succeed in America now. Don't offer entertainment, news, or information. Offer an unrealistic way of looking like Jennifer Aniston to people who look like oversized futons being rolled through the snack aisle at Wal-Mart in boiled meat.


*even for me, this is pretty bad

The Wizards Take the Number One Spot in the Draft

Washington Wizards logo


There's almost no chance they'll blow it and draft another Kwame Brown:

With his championship ring on her hand and her late husband’s dreams of another on her mind, Irene Pollin stood in shock as the Washington Wizards won the draft lottery.
Towering over her to the side, Mikhail Prokhorov watched the New Jersey Nets lose yet again.
The Wizards won the draft lottery Tuesday night, moving up from the No. 5 spot to earn the top pick in next month’s draft, when it will likely choose between Kentucky freshman John Wall and national player of the year Evan Turner of Ohio State.
The Wizards might want to think about trading down, and getting some proven talent. Drafting at number one is a crap shoot, and this is not a franchise that can afford crap shoots.
Speaking of Kwame Brown...
2009-10 StatisticsFG3PTFTReboundsMisc
 GMINFGM-AFG%3PM-A3P%FTM-AFT%OFFDEFTOTSTLBLKTOPFASTPTS
Season4813.862-124.5000-1.00033-98.3371.12.63.7.31.25.901.940.53.3
Career51022.01286-2636.4881-9.111840-1466.5731.83.65.4.56.641.332.261.06.7

That's what four million dollars will buy in the NBA now? Forty-eight games and an average of less than 14 minutes a game?

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Goodbye, Arlen Specter

A final, pathetic grasp at holding on to power passes from his fingertips:
U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter on Tuesday lost a Democratic primary in his bid for a sixth term after taking the risky step of switching from the GOP.

Voters picked U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak as the party's nominee and rejected the 80-year-old Specter in his first Democratic campaign since his Republican Party defection.

With 93 percent of precincts reporting, Sestak received 520,479 votes, or 54 percent; Specter received 446,281 votes, about 46 percent.
Could Specter reverse himself and do what Joe Lieberman did in the Nutmeg State? And run as an independent?

I don't think he could. Specter is 80 years old. It's time to hang it up. Kudos to him for not trying to kneecap Sestak, who I hope loses because that would make a better story.